Wolverine's Birthday Party
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! Logan’s birthday is tomorrow, and the mutants at Xavier’s School prepare to throw a surprise party for him, but everything goes terribly wrong in the process. Read and find out what happens. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1: The Night Before

**Story**: Wolverine's Birthday Party  
**Authors**: Master Jin Sonata & Time Master  
**Written**: May 2007  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T (Mild Language and Mild Violence)  
**Disclaimer**: We do not own the X-Men characters or Marvel comics.

* * *

**_Part 1 of 2: Wolverine's Birthday Party: The Night Before_**

Professor Xavier and the other X-Men were in the lobby ready to begin preparations for Logan's big birthday bash.

"**Students, to make this celebration the best ever for our friend Wolverine, I will pair all of you with one another and take on separate tasks to see that everything gets done before he gets back tonight,"** Professor Xavier explained. **"Cyclops and Jubilee, you two make the birthday cake. Jean Grey and Beast, you two send out the guest invitations. Iceman and Gambit, you get the party favors. Storm and Nightcrawler, you two will keep a lookout for Wolverine and make sure he doesn't find out about the party. Okay, all of you are dismissed."**

With that said, the students nodded in agreement and set out to carry on with their duties.

**Cyclops and Jubilee: Take 1**

In the kitchen, Cyclops and Jubilee are ready to prepare a large cake for Wolverine.

"**Here's the deal: you hand me the ingredients, and I'll mix them in while I read the directions,"** Cyclops said. Jubilee nodded and went to the fridge.

"**I need two eggs…"**

Jubilee opened the fridge and look around for some eggs, She eventually found some in the back, but they had gone rotten.

"_Oh well, It won't hurt…"_ she thought, grabbing them anyway.

"**A bottle of milk…"**

Jubilee searched high and low for the milk, but couldn't find any.

"_Damn, no milk…I'll just use some of this stuff then,"_ she thought, grabbing a brown bottle instead.

"**Two cups of flour, a cup of baking soda and a cup of sugar…"**

Jubilee now went into the cabinets. Inside she saw a bag of white material, but the letters were faded. Also there went any baking soda, so she used Alum instead. As for the sugar, they were out of that as well. She grabbed a box of frosted flakes as a substitute.

"**And a dash of oil…"**

"_Hmm…I wonder what kind of oil he wants…"_

Jubilee left the kitchen, and returned with a bottle of Wolverine's motorcycle-oil.

With all the ingredients gathered, Cyclops mixed all of the ingredients together while he continued to read the instructions, not even noticing what Jubilee had given him.

**Jean Gray and Beast: Take 1**

Underground, Beast was working hard on his computer. Jean Gray came inside shortly after and walked up to him. She was carrying a cup of coffee and a floppy disk.

"**I have the list of people to send invitations too,"** she said, handing Beast a floppy disk.

"**Ah, good. Let me just minimize this info containing the information on our arch villains and open the E-Mail program,"** Beast said, inserting the disk and typing in the info. **"There, now all we do is wait as the information processes before being sent."**

"**That was easy,"** Jean said, taking a sip from her coffee, but suddenly it slips out of her hand and spills onto the computer's keyboard. **"Oh my, I'm so sorry!"** she said, looking to get something to clean the mess up with.

"**It's no bother. I spill things on this keyboard many times and it hasn't caused any trouble yet. Come, let's get a towel from the hallway."**

The two left the room temporally, not knowing that the computer began to short circuit.

**Iceman and Gambit**

In the lobby, Gambit was waiting for Iceman to return with the party favors as he sets up the decorations. The door slams open and Iceman walks in with a large box of goodies.

"**Check out what I got! All they had was kiddie stuff, so I went to the smoke-shop and got Wolverine his favorite cigars!"** Iceman said, plopping the box in front of Gambit.

"**Cigars? How did you manage to get these,"** Gambit asked, picking one up, not noticing that he was discharging kinetic energy inside the material.

"**I borrowed your Photo I.D.!"** Iceman responded.

"…**Right…"** Gambit replied, setting the cigar back inside the box. **"C'mon, let's get this finished."**

**Storm and Nightcrawler**

Outside of the mansion, the two kept watch for any signs of Wolverine's impending arrival.

"**Okay, you keep watch in the back, I'll watch the front. Use this walkie-talkie to keep in touch with me if he happens to show up from where you are at,"** Storm said to Nightcrawler.

"**Gotcha,"** Nightcrawler said, as he teleported to the back of the mansion.

Just as soon as Nightcrawler re-appeared, he was suddenly run-over by a large black SUV, while his walkie-talkie was crushed under the tires. Out of the SUV stepped Wolverine, who looked extremely tired.

"**Damn Sabertooth crushing my motorcycle…glad I decided to steal his new ride…"** Wolverine grumbled, as he got out and went inside through the back.

**Cyclops and Jubilee: Take 2**

Back in the kitchen, Jubilee watched as the cake began to rise in the oven. As the aroma began filling the air, she smelled it, and then became suspicious.

"**Hmm…smells like that stuff Wolverine drinks…"** Jubilee thought.

"**How's it coming?"** Cyclops asks while getting the icing and candles out.

"**Um…just fine!"** she lied, giving a really big giveaway-cheesy smile at Cyclops, which once again doesn't notice her flawed part in the baking.

**Jean Gray and Beast: Take 2**

The two entered back into the lab with towels, and cleaned up the mess from the spilled coffee.

"**There, all clean. Now let's check to see if the invitations are all sent,"** Beast said, turning on his monitor. His eyes widened as he gazed at what was on screen now.

"**What is it?"** Jean asked.

"**Oh my…that spilled coffee must had short circuited my computer and crossed both of my programs together…now it seems those invitation were sent out to all of our arch-villains instead…"** Beast said with a worried look.

**Minutes Later In The Lobby**

Professor Xavier gathers everyone for a quick evaluation before they head to bed.

"**How's the birthday cake?"**

"**Looking good!"** Cyclops said, ah he and Jubilee showed it to them.

"**Have the invitations been sent?"**

"**Um…you could say that..."** Beast said with uncertainty. Jean Grey nudges him hard to make him fix his attitude.

"**All of the decorations seem to be in place."**

"**Yep, and I got something Wolverine will enjoy. It'll be a blast!"** Iceman boasted while Gambit rolled his eyes.

"**And any word on Wolverine?"**

"**No, no word on his arrival…but the strangest thing happened…I found Nightcrawler lying out in the back unconscious with tire tracks all over him,"** Storm said, holding a dazed Nightcrawler in her arms.

Professor Xavier raised an eyebrow. **"Tire tracks…?"**

**SLAM!!!**

The back doors burst wide open. Everyone turns and stares as Wolverine walks into the lobby, yawning before heading upstairs to bed, not even noticing the decorations or the gathering of people for that matter.

Everyone looks at each other not knowing what to say next.

"**Well then…that was interesting…well, I guess we all can just turn in tonight. Be sure to be up early. The party starts a 11:00 a.m.,"** Professor Xavier said. The others shrugged and headed to bed.

_**End of Part 1**_

**Please review, or be attacked by a tired and grumpy Wolverine!!!**


	2. Chapter 2: The Day Of

_**Part 2 of 2: Wolverine's Birthday Party: The Day Of**_

**The Lobby**

It was 10:45 a.m. at Xavier's School.

All of the X-Men who took part in setting up the surprise party were already up, putting the finishing touches on everything needed before Wolverine wakes up.

"**Wolverine deserves a celebration like this, after all that he's been through, it is wonderful that the students are returning the favor,"** Professor Xavier said to Cyclops.

"**Oh, I'm sorry, professor, did you say something?"** Cyclops said, turning to Xavier.

"**Is something a miss?"** Professor Xavier asked.

"**Yeah…it's the cake we baked for Wolverine…something just doesn't seem right…"** Cyclops stated, staring at the seemingly perfect-looking cake that sat on the table.

"**I wouldn't worry about it, Scott. As long as you and Jubilee paid attention to the recipe and how it was prepared, I see no reason to doubt this fine masterpiece you two have created,"** Professor Xavier reassured.

"**Eheheheh…yeah…"** Jubilee laughed nervously as she walked past the two.

Just then, Storm and Nightcrawler rush into the lobby.

"**Professor! Wolverine is awake already, and he's starting to head downstairs as we speak!"** Storm said.

"**Well, one of you distract him until we are ready. Do whatever it takes to prevent him from coming down into the lobby for at least ten minutes,"** Professor Xavier responded.

"**I'll take care of it,"** Nightcrawler volunteered teleporting out of the lobby.

**Outside Wolverine's Bedroom**

Wolverine had just left his bedroom wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and a tank top, and was on his way downstairs to grab him a cold drink. Before he could reach the stairs, Nightcrawler appeared before him and blocked his path.

"**Outta my way, fuzz-ball,"** Wolverine growled as he attempted to get past Kurt, but Nightcrawler had a better idea.

"**Hate to do this to ya, but…"** Nightcrawler says as he then grabs Wolverine, and teleports himself and Wolverine to another location.

**Behind Xavier's School**

Nightcrawler and Wolverine re-appear high above the surface outside of the building. Not having enough time to realize how high up they were, Nightcrawler lets go of Wolverine, sending him falling down two stories until crash-landing into a garbage can below. Wolverine stands up and looks up at Kurt.

"**KURT!!!!"** Wolverine yells angrily at him. Nightcrawler smiles nervously and disappears.

Wolverine growls to himself as he steps out of the garbage can, pulling off a banana peel from his face in the process.

Deciding that while he was already outside at the moment, he heads toward the back driveway to check on the SUV he stole from Sabertooth. When he arrived, he saw that it was being towed away.

"**HEY!!! GET BACK HERE, BUB! MY WALLET'S IN THERE!!!"** Wolverine shouted as he attempted to chase down the tow truck, but decided against it at the last minute.

"**Dammit..."** he grumbled, as he then started to turn and walk back into the mansion, when he was stopped by an overweight Police Officer who looked liked a real hardass.

"**Excuse me, sir. I'm from the state police department. Last night someone illegally purchased a case of cigars from a local smoke shop. The shop owner has contacted us in terms of an underage customer using a fake I.D. to buy smokes. We have traced the address of the cardholder to this location. Your name wouldn't happen to be this 'Remmy' character you're posing as, would it?"** the officer questioned, tapping his foot.

"**Look bub, I know nothing about this. Now piss off!"** Wolverine said to the officer, turning away to continue toward the mansion.

"**Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to place you under arrest under suspicion of purchasing items using an invalid I.D. in which the picture does not match the card holder," **the officer said, pulling out the handcuffs.

"**Look, pig, first off all, do I look like a minor to you? Second, my name is not Remmy, and lastly, I did not go to no smoke shop last night!"** Wolverine protested.

"**Then can you show me the proper I.D. to verify that you are who you say you are?"** the officer questioned.

"**No, because my wallet is in that SUV that was just towed away!"** Wolverine said, getting more pissed off every second.

"**SUV? You mean you had something to do with that stolen SUV that was just recovered?"** the officer interrogated, getting more suspicious, now puling out his ticket book.

Wolverine was about ready to shred this officer to pieces.

"**That's it, I'm outta here,"** Wolverine turned and called back to the officer, flipping him the bird.

Not even paying attention the officer's warnings, Wolverine heads into the mansion through the back door.

**Kitchen, Back Entrance**

Wolverine yawned and stretched as he enters through kitchen from the back hallway. He went to the fridge and opened it, looking for a tall brown bottle of his favorite alcohol. After not being able to locate it, Wolverine slams the door, spins around, and yells.

"**WHERE THE HELL IS MY BEER?"**

**The Lobby**

Everyone and stopped as they heard Wolverine shout from the kitchen. Jubilee cringed as she realized that she used his beer in making this birthday cake.

"**He's almost here! Everyone, get into your hiding places,"** Professor Xavier instructed everyone. When everyone was in position, Wolverine had just entered the Lobby.

"**SURPRISE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOLVERINE!"** everyone cheered as they sprung out from their places.

Wolverine stopped and raised an eyebrow.

"**Well, ain't this a surprise…"** Wolverine says as his mood was slowly starting to lighten up slightly from the morning events he already encountered. **"So you threw me a surprise party. Wasn't expecting this."**

"**We even invited all of your old pals too!"** Beast said with an unsure tone as he came and strapped a party hat onto Wolverine's head.

The doorbell then rang.

"**Um…That must be them right now!"** Jean said as she hesitantly went to the front door and opened it.

"**What in the hell…"** Wolverine said as he stared at the group of people that entered into the mansion.

"**Well well, this should be fun,"** Magneto commented as he, Juggernaut, Sabertooth, Apocalypse, Tusk, Lady Deathstrike, Toad, and Mystique entered into the mansion. Sabertooth stepped in front of the group and advanced toward Wolverine.

"**Time to give the birthday boy his birthday beating for stealing my new SUV!!!"** Sabertooth growled as he was about ready to jump Wolverine, who readied himself by unleashing his claws.

"**Um, Jean, Beast…are you certain this was the right choice of people to invite to this party?"** Professor Xavier whispers to them.

As the groups of villain's were ready to crash the party, Iceman slides in front of them.

"**Hey hey!!! Everyone just chill and have some cake!"** Iceman suggested, trying to stop the impending war.

Wolverine retracts his claws.

"**Whatever…I'll kick their asses in a minute. I'm hungry anyways,"** he said, slowly turning around and grabbing him a slice of cake and taking a bite out of it.

"**H-how does it taste?"** Jubilee asked Wolverine, really nervous to the point of almost sweating.

Wolverine's eyes flew open as he spits out the cake.

"**Tastes like old beer, stale eggs and crap!!!"** Wolverine sputters as he sets the cake down.

The doorbell rang again.

"**Now what?!?!"** Wolverine growls as he goes to the door himself and opens it.

It was the same cop from earlier, only he had an entire police unit behind him.

"**Sir, we're taking you downtown by force for resisting arrest,"** the cop said as he and the rest of the officers stormed inside.

Iceman whistles innocently and slowly exits the area as if he had nothing to do with this.

Professor Xavier rolled up to Wolverine.

"**Wolverine, I don't know how all of this could have happened! It was meant to be just a friendly celebration put together by our students here,"** Professor Xavier tried to explain.

"**We'll you guys sure did do a bang-up job of screwing it up! Look, you guys take care of this mess. I'm getting me a cigar and going back to bed,"** Wolverine tells him, walking past everyone while grabbing a cigar from a box next to Gambit, the one that Gambit obliviously charged with his kinetic energy last night.

When Wolverine was out of the room, the sound of him flicking on his lighter could be heard, followed by a loud explosion.

_**End of Part 2**_

* * *

**The End!**

**And that's the end of that! Please take some time and review!**

Please read our other fic, the sequel to this hilarious series: **Wolverine Just Wants His Beer, Bub**, already up!


End file.
